Losing Grip
by Nefertiri Evenstar
Summary: C/C, maybe C/W songfics. Chloe thinks about Clark and how she'll never be like Lana. Used to be called "How Can I Make You See?" Used Read and review please!
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I don't own Smallville. This song belongs to Marion Raven and Marit Larsen of M2M. This song is called "Jennifer" and is own their new album "The Big Room".  
-Nefertiri Evenstar  
  
  
How Can I Make You See  
  
Chloe Sullivan sighed as Clark left her and Pete for Lana Lang. Pete caught her staring after Clark. "Lana Lang strikes again" he rolled his eyes. "Yea.. listen Pete I need to go work on the Torch" Chloe said and made a beeline for the editing room. "Poor Chloe" he said as he walked out of the school.  
In the Editing Room, Chloe put her CD in and put a random song on. It landed on number six, a track called "Jennifer". The lyrics caught Chloe's attention.  
_  
She's so beautiful  
She is super nice  
Everybody say she's special  
  
She is wonderful  
Unbelievable, sweet  
I guess she is perfect  
  
Stop saying she's just a friend, just a friend  
Keep hearing her name again, name again!  
_  
*This is definatly my song for Clark* Chloe thought as she worked on the Torch. To paraphrase a cheesy 70's show, it was always "Lana, Lana, Lana". Clark talked about Miss Perfect Lana Lang 24/7. It drove Chloe crazy that Lana was too nice. "I'd be able to live with hating her if she wasn't so damn cheerful and nice to everyone" she rolled her eyes as she listened to the rest.  
  
_Chorus  
I really have to say  
She's always in my way  
I can't believe how much you love her  
How can I make you see?  
It's either her or me  
I will never be like Jennifer_  
  
Chloe wondered if Clark hadn't fallen head over heels for Lana, if he would notice that she was a girl. She doubted it. Chloe had a feeling that she was forever doomed to be Clark's "best friend", the girl he could always rely on. Not the lucky girl that held his heart.  
It destroyed Chloe inside when she realized that Clark would *never* love her. She ran a hand through her thick blonde hair. Blonde hair... not chocolate strands or emerald green eyes like Lana had. Chloe would never be like Lana. She looked out the window and saw Clark and Lana in the front of the school. The window represented her feelings.. she was on the outside, looking and watching in. She had a bad feeling that one day, Clark would have to choose between herself and Lana. Chloe knew she wouldn't like the results. Her blue eyes filled with tears as she let the song weave it's spell around her.  
  
  
_She's a fragile girl  
Skin like porcelain  
Shame on you, if you would hurt her  
  
She's adorable  
Oh so vulnerable  
I wish that somebody would drop her  
  
Stop saying she's just a friend  
Keep hearing her name again, name again!_  
  
Lana Lang, the poor little orphan girl. The little do gooder. Miss Pom Pom Queen. So sweet, so innocent. It made Chloe want to drop kick her. Or at least pull a Dark Angel and slap her. But her sweet do gooder attitude made hating her hard for Chloe. "Am I doomed to just be in love with Clark Kent and ultimately hurt?" she wondered aloud.  
  
_Chorus  
I really have to say  
She's always in my way  
I can't believe how much you love her  
How can I make you see?  
It's either her or me  
I will never be like Jennifer  
  
Stop saying she's just a friend  
Keep hearing her name again, name again!  
_  
A fresh wave of bittersweet pain washed over Chloe as she realized for the thousandth time she would never hold Clark's heart. Her eyes watered and she shed a few silent tears. She often wished she had a boyfriend to distract her but she always compared e the few crushes she had to Clark. Also, many people were afraid of her for thinking outside of the box and for being cynical. It wasn't her fault for being so jaded at times, what can you expect of a girl who lived in the city? The city was so different from the countryside town. Chloe also missed Metropolis but she doubted that if given the choice, she'd change. After all, she'd met Clark in Smallville.   
  
  
_I really have to say  
She's always in my way  
I can't believe how much you love her  
How can I make you see?  
It's either her or me  
I will never be like Jennifer  
I really have to say  
She's always in my way  
I can't believe how much you love her  
How can I make you see?  
It's either her or me  
I will never be like Jennifer_  
  
On the other hand, if she had never moved to Smallville, she could go to sleep with out knowing there was someone like Clark out there. She remembered a quote she once heard:The worst way to miss someone is when they are right beside you and yet you can never have them. "Too true" Chloe sighed and shut off the cd. She was done and it was now time to put up her stonewall, her only defense against what people thought of her and her feelings for Clark.  
  
  



	2. On My Own

Note: this is the next chapter. I might make this a series of song-fics that are either C/C or C/W, just cuz I love Whitney. I don't know how often I'll update this either cuz my Muses need to learn time-management!  
I also changed the name since I thought it sounded stupid.~Arwen  
Disclaimer: Don't own Smallville nor the song. On My Own is from the play Les Miserables and belongs to the creators.  
  
  
As she walked home, she noticed the clouds start to darken. A few minutes later, it began to rain.  
  
"Just great" Chloe grumbled, but it wasn't at the rain. She had just passed the Talon and saw Clark and Lana kissing. Feeling her eyes water, she turned and ran off, not caring how long of a walk it was or that it was raining.  
  
Chloe stopped for breath when she reached the end of the road and suddenly, remembered one of her mother's favorite songs. The blonde reporter began to sing, letting the memories comfort her.  
  
_And now I'm all alone again  
Nowhere to turn, no one to go to  
Without a home, without a friend,  
Without a face to say hello to.  
And now the night is near  
Now I can make believe he's here  
  
_She began to walk again, singing to herself. That was her secret talent-her voice. No one, except for her parents knew how much she liked to sing.  
  
_Sometimes I walk alone at night  
When everybody else is sleeping  
I think of him and then I'm happy  
With the company I'm keeping  
The city goes to bed  
And I can live inside my head.  
  
_  
She *was* living inside her head. Clark made it clear that she was just his friend,nothing else. She never would be like Lana.  
  
_On my own  
Pretending he's beside me  
All alone, I walk with him till morning  
Without him  
I feel his arms around me  
And when I lose my way I close my eyes  
And he has found me  
_   
Chloe ran faster, her thoughts interrupted by the voice taunting her in a refrain "Clark and Lana, Clark and Lana, Clark-and-Lana, ClarkandLana!"  
_  
In the rain the pavement shines like silver  
All the lights are misty in the river  
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight  
And all I see is him and me for ever and forever  
And I know it's only in my mind  
That I'm talking to myself and not to him  
And although I know that he is blind  
Still I say, there's a way for us  
_  
  
Chloe smiled sadly to herself, imagining that what she saw wasn't real. That Clark would run after her, and tell her he didn't like Lana anymore. That he realized what he had right in front of him for all these years.  
  
  
_I love him  
But when the night is over  
He is gone, the river's just a river  
Without him the world around me changes  
The trees are bare and everywhere  
The streets are full of strangers_  
  
Chloe stopped. She dropped back to a walk and continued her journey towards home, her shoulders slumped in defeat. She loved Clark, but he would never love her back.  
_  
I love him  
But every day I'm learning  
All my life I've only been pretending  
Without me his world will go on turning  
A world that's full of happiness  
That I have never known!  
I love him  
I love him  
I love him  
But only on my own.............._  
  
A half an hour later, Chloe reached her house and went to her room. Clark's world would go right on turning, he'd be happy. Living blissfully unaware that his best friend was slowly dying inside. Chloe was sick of Clark mooning over Lana, and ignoring her whenever "Little Miss Perfect" came into the room.  
Not anymore. The blonde stood up a little straighter and looked at herself in the mirror. She *wasn't* bad-looking, and tried a small smile. "It's time for a change Chloe. Tomorrow morning starts the beginning of a new era" she told herself.  
Chloe Sullivan had finally realized that she would be alone.  
  
  
  
  



End file.
